RSSMovie: ‘2012' an epic failure, slap in face of movie fans
As the oncoming tectonic shift begins to ravage Los Angeles in "2012", Kate (Amanda Peet, "A Lot Like Love") and her husband Gordon (Tom McCarthy, "Duplicity") casually shop for groceries. Just as Gordon mentions that something is coming between them, an earthquake rips through the market. The ground opens up, literally tearing the couple apart.
The moment encapsulates everything that makes "2012" unbearable. The dialogue is painfully corny, and the situations are created for the sake of a tired special effect. The movie might happily take its place in the "so bad it's good" category, but director Roland Emmerich made what he thought would be a meaningful cautionary epic. Instead, the man who plagued audiences with the similar "The Day After Tomorrow" pumps out an overstuffed heap of disaster porn.
In current day India, a scientist discovers that explosions on the sun will cause the earth's crust to collapse in just a few short years. An American geologist, Adrian (Chiwetel Ejiofor, "American Gangster"), relays the news to a top White House aide (Oliver Platt, "The Ice Harvest"), who then alerts the president (Danny Glover, "Lethal Weapon"). Over the next three years, the world's leading nations plan the survival of the globe's rich and important citizens.
Except for Jackson Curtis (John Cusack, "1408"), Kate's ex-husband, no average civilians are aware of the situation. A limo driver for a Russian billionaire, Jackson is tipped off by the host of a conspiracy theory radio show (Woody Harrelson, "Zombieland") while camping with his children in Yellowstone National Park. As it becomes clear that the end is near, Jackson loads the entire family (including Kate and Gordon) into the limo and searches for the airplane that will carry them to safety.
There's a little more to it than that, but Emmerich obviously wants audiences to focus on the collapse of civilization. Special effects geeks will point out that the crumbling cities and tidal waves are comparable to the latest Xbox 360 game, but they are still fun to watch. However, special effects just aren't enough to satisfy moviegoers anymore. When Emmerich made "Independence Day" 13 years ago, computer-generated disasters were still impressive. Now, who cares if monuments topple to the ground? To his credit, Emmerich had $200 million to work with, so you can't blame him for not spending every last dime.
Halfway through the movie, the ridiculous banter and CGI overload don't seem so bad. But near the end, you simply want it all to end. The fate of the main characters no longer matters. The flooding just needs to start. Too many false climaxes turn an already unintentionally funny movie into a full-blown comedy.
The awful dialogue wouldn't be so hard to take if Emmerich didn't take his film so seriously. Even talented actors like Glover and Cusack can't help but look like hacks with the lines they are given. Ejiofor, in particular, becomes a whipping boy for critics. As the moral compass of the film, Adrian convinces various heads of state the lives of a few stowaways are more important than the thousands aboard one of the escape ships. His rousing speech near the end of the film rivals Bill Pullman's rallying cry from "Independence Day" in both enthusiasm and absurdity. Adrian is so righteous that he barely flirts with the president's beautiful single daughter (Thandie Newton).
Within the disaster genre, leaps of faith are part of the experience. But even the most naïve moviegoer will grow frustrated with what propels the film forward. Don't ask why the Curtis family flies directly over Hawaii when they have the entire Pacific Ocean to work with. Don't ask why Jackson and his children are casually released by the government after crossing into a marked-off zone. And most important, don't ask why the characters can call each other with cell phones after everything else humans have built has been destroyed; the Verizon network may be a lot stronger than you think.
"2012" isn't the worst movie of all time, or even the year, but it should take its rightful place among famously botched blockbusters like "Waterworld" and Emmerlich's own "10,000 BC." It will take a worldwide audience desperate for apocalyptic action to make the movie a hit. Let's hope the crowd isn't big enough to help the studio break even.