Xbox Live Top Ten Hate List Pt. 2
Now for your reading pleasure, the most annoying and aggravating Xbox Live denizens. The five reasons the Xbox Live headset has a mute button and volume dial. Ten through six were just the tip of the iceberg. Last week you read about the complainers, campers, quiters, and arguers, and now it's time for the real dirt bags. Without further adieu.5. Inconsiderate bean bag ticklers that don't pay attention to a damn thing, and talk excessively during the entire match. I seriously doubt that anyone cares if you are going out later, or wish to hear you tell your unsatisfied girlfriend to get you a Pepsi. Mute your microphone and spare everyone from hearing your excellent parenting skills while waiting to start a match. This might sound a bit callous, but there is something magical about listening to a family completely disintegrate in real-time over Xbox Live.
4. The guy who got his first pube yesterday and thinks his voice resembles the deep delivery of soul seducer, Barry White, but sounds more like Beaker from the Muppets. Everyone has seen the videos on YouTube, starring the screaming puberty ravaged kids whose crackly voices sling insults at anyone within earshot. Stop yelling, even if you're doing it for laughs. While your at it, shave your old lady lip hair. I know you're proud of the peach fuzz above your upper lip but that doesn't make you a man. It elevates you one step above an actual peach. Boom B!%@&! A tip for Microsoft and Sony: Create a microphone that only works when your voice is below a certain octave. If your a squeaker, a polite voice comes through the ear piece and says politely, "Sorry, come back later when your doodads have dropped."
3. The dude that makes noise. You don't direct your mindless humming and babbling toward any other players, you just make noise. Even worse, sometimes you sing. Not that I don't like Creed, but I don't like Creed. Keep it to yourself. But, if you must sing, why don't you sing a sweet lyric to your mother and maybe she won't resent you for living in her basement for the last 38 years? Maybe a beautiful melody will replenish some of her soul that was lost when she found out you decided to drop out of Community College to pursue a career in eating stale Cheeto's from between the couch cushions.
2. The hateful waste of breathing air that makes the KKK exhale a collective "WOW!" You use excessive profanity and racial slurs to prove that you are no one to be trifled with. Yet, if you were faced with the people you insult, most likely you would be liquified into nerd goo by a guy that doesn't like being called the "N" word. I didn't know this but, according to you, everyone is gay. That would make you the only straight guy on earth, and still you're single. FACE!
1. YOU! You lewd, crude, rude, bag of pre-chewed food dude! Bangerang me!
It is an inevitability that you will, at one time or another, run into one of these "winners" during a session of Xbox Live multiplayer. In spite of everything I've experienced on Xbox Live, I still believe that people are basically good at heart.